Marriage Lesson 2 Roles of Husband and Wife
Marriage Roles of Husband and Wife
Voddie Baucham, Piper, Washer
Lesson 1 Review on the “Purpose of Marriage”
In “PRE-TIME” or “ETERNITY PAST,” God prepared beforehand a “Redemptive Analogy” or a “Place Setting” for a Redeemer When there was not yet one sin.
In “PRE-TIME” or “ETERNITY PAST”
God knew the Fall would happen and He knew that His Son would become Incarnate and be Crucified and be Resurrected and Ascend back into Heaven at His Right Hand – all this before the first sin.
“… the Christian gospel . . . tells how for the world’s redemption God entered into history, the eternal came into time, the kingdom of heaven invaded the realm of earth, in the great events of the incarnation, crucifixion, and resurrection of Jesus the Christ.”
BUT…
How did God prepare the way for a Redeemer Who would one day present Himself as a Groom that would come for His Bride?
Re 19:7 “Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready.”
Re 21:2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, made ready as a bride adorned for her husband.
He would create a relationship between a Man and Woman that would reflect and prepare Mankind for the relationship that the Redeemer would have with His people.
The Relationship is the INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE.
A BRIDE AND GROOM RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MAN AND WOMAN WOULD BE A PARABLE/PLACE SETTING/REHERSAL TO SHAPE THE THINKING OF MANKIND TOWARD A BRIDE AND GROOM RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN US AND OUR SAVIOR.
IT IS THE UNION OF A MAN AND WOMAN IN A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP THAT GOD WANTED US TO LIVE OUT SO THAT WE WOULD GRASP THE KIND OF UNION WE WOULD HAVE WITH OUR REDEEMER WHEN HE SHOULD COME.
GOD THE FATHER
WANTED A RELATIONSHIP
OR A UNION
WITH HIS PEOPLE
THROUGH GOD THE SON
IN ORDER FOR US TO GRASP
THIS KIND OF
UNION RELATIONSHIP,
HE INSTITUTED MARRIAGE.
THIS MARRIAGE WOULD BE
THE ALL-ENCOMPASSING
UNIVERSAL
SEED PLANTED INTO EVERY
CULTURE…
IN ORDER TO CREATE IN US
A MIND THAT IS READY
TO ENTER INTO
THAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP
WITH GOD HIMSELF.
Now, let’s begin Lesson 2
Roles of Husband and Wife in Marriage
A Covenant-Marriage is the foundation from which flourishes a bouquet of “Second Things” in our union, i.e., love, forgiveness, sacrifice, forbearance, unity, harmony, edification, etc.
These “Second Things” are based on the way Christ keeps covenant with us.
Read Ephesians 5.22-33
v31 is a quote from Genesis 2:24:
“Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
In the next verse (v. 32), Paul looks back on this quote and says, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
Now why is the coming together of a man and woman to form one flesh in marriage called a mystery?
“Mystery” in the N.T. does not mean something too complex or deep or obscure or distant for humans to understand. It refers to a hidden purpose of God that is now revealed for our understanding and enjoyment.
• Eph 1:9 He made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His kind intention which He purposed in Him
• Eph 3:3 that by revelation there was made known to me the mystery, as I wrote before in brief.
• Eph 3:4 And by referring to this, when you read you can understand my insight into the mystery of Christ,
• Eph 3:9 and to bring to light what is the administration of the mystery which for ages has been hidden in God, who created all things;
• Eph 5:32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
• Eph 6:19 and pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel,
Paul explains what the mystery is in v32. The marriage union is a mystery, he says, because its deepest meaning has been concealed by God during the O.T. history but is now being openly revealed by the apostle, namely, that marriage is an image of Christ and the church. V32: “I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.”
So, marriage is like a metaphor or an image or a picture or a parable or a model that stands for something more than a man and a woman becoming one flesh. It stands for the relationship between Christ and the church. That’s the deepest meaning of marriage.
It’s meant to be a living drama of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and the church.
The original, the reality, the truth refers to God’s marriage to his people, or now in the New Testament we see it as Christ’s marriage to the church. And the copy, the metaphor, the parable refers to human marriage between a husband and a wife.
Geoffrey Bromiley says,
“As God made man in His own image, so He made earthly marriage in the image of His own eternal marriage with His people.”
Now we go from this Overall-Big Picture, “mysterious” union of Man and Wife that parallels the union of the Church with Christ… to something even more core and Basic:
The Role of the Husband – Male, and
The Role of the Wife – Female,
in this mysterious union and the Divinely Ordained relationship between the two.
There are at least Two views that are largely promoted in the “Religious” Circles:
1. The Egalitarian View (Liberal)
2. The Complementarian View (Evangelical)
The Egalitarian View…
argues that the overall teaching of Scripture is equality between men and women, and that limiting the roles a woman can fill, just because she is a woman, inevitably violates equality. The few verses that seem to suggest otherwise, they believe, can be explained as limited by cultural factors and were never meant to be taken as timeless principles.
Ex., see Titus 2
But the problem is that egalitarians seem to stop with mutual submission, as if that were all one needed to say about roles in marriage, or as if that is all that the text has to say.
And when they stop there, most people today are left with great ambiguity and great confusion about the proper roles of husband and wife.
• Once you clarify for people that a husband and a wife should be -
• mutually humble and
• mutually ready to serve each other and
• mutually eager to meet each other’s needs and
• build each other up—once you have said all that,
• there remains a great uncertainty as to what, if anything, distinguishes the role of husband and wife.
• Is it only the biological gift of childbearing that distinguishes the roles? Or is there something more pervasive?
What is so astonishing is that egalitarians don’t embrace what every ordinary reader can see in Ephesians 5. After declaring that there is mutual submission in verse 21, Paul devotes twelve verses to unfolding the difference in the way a husband and wife should serve each other. You don’t need to deny mutual submission to affirm the importance of the unique role of the husband as head and the unique calling of the wife to submit to that headship.
The Complementarian View…this is my view...
It agrees that men and women are equal but believes equality can be maintained along with a differentiation of roles, because the roles do not involve being higher and lower but being complementary. They see this as being taught in a number of places in Scripture.
Complementarianism is the view that males and females complement each other in their different roles and duties. In the context of Christianity, men are to be leaders in the church and the home where women are not. Likewise, women are to assist the husband in raising children and expanding the kingdom of God.
• is derived from the word “complement” (not the word “compliment”). The dictionary defines “complement” as follows:
• Something that completes or makes perfect; either of two parts or things needed to complete the whole; counterparts.
• Complementarians believe that God created male and female as complementary expressions of the image of God—male and female are counterparts in reflecting his glory. Having two sexes expands the view. Though both sexes bear God's image fully on their own, each does so in a unique and distinct way. Male and female in relationship reflects truths about Jesus that aren't reflected by male alone or female alone.
The Complementarian View is drawn from Ephesians 5.22-32:
COMPARISON | COMMAND | ||||
HUSBAND | CHRIST | HEAD | LOVE | ||
WIFE | CHURCH | BODY | SUBMIT | ||
Mutual Submission and Unique Roles
Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christ-like, servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home.
…plus 1000 levels deeper...
Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts and unique attributes.
…plus 1000 levels deeper...
“AT THE HEART OF MATURE MASCULINITY IS A SENSE OF BENEVOLENT RESPONSIBILITY TO LEAD, PROVIDE FOR AND PROTECT WOMEN IN WAYS APPROPRIATE TO A MAN’S DIFFERING RELATIONSHIPS.
AT THE HEART OF MATURE FEMININITY IS A FREEING DISPOSITION TO AFFIRM, RECEIVE AND NURTURE STRENGTH AND LEADERSHIP FROM WORTHY MEN IN WAYS APPROPRIATE TO A WOMAN’S DIFFERING RELATIONSHIPS.”
RECOVERING BIBLICAL MANHOOD AND WOMANHOOD: Piper/Grudem
SEVEN POINTS TOWARD PROMOTING A COMPLEMENTARIAN VIEW OF MEN AND WOMEN
1. THE COMPLEMENTARIAN VIEW Shows us for what we were made.
We are united in the Image Bearing of God.
The First “Not Goodness” of Creation was Adams “Aloneness”. He needed a Helper.
Eve was not a Subordinate Identity.
“Helping” …even God was referred to as a “Helper” in the OT.
A Helper is someone who is needed…not someone who is to be dominated, used or set aside, or just to nod at everything Adam does.
A Helper provides unique skills that Adam does not bear.
God creates woman out of lack to Adam.
She is called to a role that to which Adam is not called.
“Helper” is an Identity Marker that fills essential tasks that he himself cannot complete.
There are distinctive roles and Identities.
There is no Competition-no anger-no enmity, strife in complementary relationships.
It is PAGANISM that makes everything the same. No Distinction between the sexes.
No distinction between the sexes is a result of the fall.
Complementary Relationships began in Eden.
Adam knew that Eve was made from him…So I can’t use this same body against her!
Ring a bell? Eph 5.28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
Thus, there is a tenderness to love, for empathy, gentleness, in a real way… and she is dependant on his body for existence – there is an interconnectedness.
Something we are not use to – this dependence on one another.
Men, there is infinite grounds to not think of oneself as superior – every man ever born was born of a woman!
Man is strong to work.
Woman is strong to bear.
There is JOY from the man:
Gen 2.23 And the man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”
We have a mandate from God to serve in complementary roles as we exercise dominion over our world and our families.
We were not made to be Androgynous Teletubbies in this world!!!
Manhood and Womanhood
We are not a Genetic Accident or a
Bio-evolutionary Fluke!
BACK TO SEVEN POINTS TOWARD PROMOTING A COMPLEMENTARIAN VIEW OF MEN AND WOMEN
2. THE COMPLEMENTARIAN VIEW helps us understand our sinful instincts as Man and Woman.
Gen 3.1 Now the serpent was more crafty than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said to the woman, “Indeed, has God said, ‘You shall not eat from any tree of the garden’?”
Satan wants to obliterate womanhood.
(among other things)
Satan targets the woman to distrust and to disobey God’s Word!
Satan destroys her by disobeying the Word of God – but does not go to Adam!
Adam has abdicated (abandoned) his responsibility to protect his wife.
She is his Helper, and he is to shield her, but he does not own his role; thus, THE FALL.
ALL Gender confusion (WHICH IS CONTEMPORARY FALLACY), dysphoria, Sexual brokenness, Personal rebellion STARTED at the FALL.
When Satan went to Eve and temped her, Adam failed to protect her.
God is not blind: Gen 3.8 – God went to Adam FIRST! Which indicated that man was called to protect his wife.
Gen 3.9: “WHERE ARE YOU?” (singular) He did not ask, “Where are Y’all”.
The First of Mans Fruits from the Fall is NOT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY.
Adam blamed the woman and then he blamed God. He offered up excuses.
If your family is not thriving Spiritually, if things are not going the way they are supposed to go, if you’re trapped in sin…OWN IT, MEN! And LEAD YOUR FAMILY OUT OF IT!
THE CURSE: Gen 3.16 -… Yet your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you.”
Gen 4.7: “If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.”
The word DESIRE = To Rule Over
But He will Rule over you!
MASSIVE PROBLEM HERE:
Wives try to rule their husbands, yet…
Men will be overbearing to their wives, yet…
They will abdicate their responsibility in the house!
And he will blame her for everything that goes wrong!
The Fall is due to the breakdown of God’s Design for Men and Women. The role of the husband-and-wife’s failure was satan’s access to a sinless couple’s fall.
Ephesians 5.22-32 is the remedy in a Spirit filled marriage.
3. THE COMPLEMENTARIAN VIEW provides us with a SCRIPT for our lives.
What does the Bible tell us what a man and a woman is?
Women have a SCRIPT (1 Pet 3.4)
A gentle and quite spirit – feminine spirit
Training her daughters in the pattern of God’s Image.
If God gives you a Husband and Children, then you are called to be: (Titus 2.5f)
Primary vocation as Workers at home – Helper to your husband and raising children.
It is Brutal work, but the most important work in all the world! You are the next generation.
Other biblical scripts:
Supporting the apostles
Hospitality Ministry
Helping disciple young believers
YOU HAVE GOD’S GREEN LIGHT TO USE YOUR GIFTS FOR THE CHURCH AND FOR THE GREATER GLORY OF GOD. (TITUS 2; 1 TIM 2)
Men have a SCRIPT (Gen 2.24)
Leave Father and Mother – don’t live in the basement.
Men are supposed to LAUNCH!
All their life they should be trained to LAUNCH – not groomed to stay.
Parents should recognize the biblical script for men and should prep them to go As Soon As Possible.
Parents must push them, not possess them.
Push them to find courage to grow and mature.
In my opinion, fathers need to be preparing sons NOW, no matter their age, to be growing toward becoming a godly husband and father.
It is not God’s design for sexes to be languishing as they currently are.
Average marriage age is now 28-30 yrs.
Don’t waist away – go out and win a woman’s heart.
AND DON’T WAIT UNTIL YOU’RE MIDDLE-AGED!!
“He is not mature enough” …launching them and preparing them is how they become mature!
Holistic GROWTH is what young men need.
Godly fathers do not let the culture raise their child.
A father needs to get into the business of discipling his own children.
A godly man will be consumed with pushing the CHAIN OF MANHOOD to his sons.
He is consumed with winning his children to the Lord and then Leading them until he is on the shores of heaven.
A Mans SCRIPT is to:
Leave his Mother and Father (mandated)
Find a wife
Build that family
Lead that family
This is a Man’s Call
The Spirit will make you sufficient for these things even if your earthly father failed you.
Expose your children to real heroes – Godly men! Not superheroes killing monsters in a fantasy world.
Teach your children the continuing battle to forge disciplined habits and to KILL SIN in their lives and to run without the anvil of guilt on their back…by showing them how you do it. THEY ARE WATCHING!
Teach your sons to treat women as godly sisters and approach them with ABSOLUTE purity:
1 Tim 5.2…the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.
Teach them to budget and to not be covetous… to avoid the Lust of the Eyes...
Teach them to lay down their lives for women and children in the image of the Crucified Christ – Eph 5.22-32
A Man’s SCRIPT is to:
TAKE DOMINION!
Take dominion of your spiritual life:
We pray regularly
We read our Bible
We serve the body of Christ and plug-in where no one else goes.
Men are not goofballs, buffoons, idiots, animals as displayed in our culture, as shown on TV, Commercials and Movies.
MASCULINITY IS NOT “TOXIC” WHEN THE MAN IS SPIRIT LEAD AND REFLECTING THE NATURE OF CHRIST!
Men are NOBLE!
It is time to rise from the ashes in CHRIST!
These are God-Given GENDER ESSENTIALS!
THEY ARE NOT GENDER CONSTRUCTS (Ideas that are constructed or ginned up like a genie).
THEY ARE FIXED REALITIES AND CORE CONCEPTS.
This “gender identity” craze is pagan rubbish that dreams of NO DIVINE DESIGN.
Adam is to blame for this junk “Gender dysphoria”, not the church!
God has a Script; it is His design, and it is Good.
4. THE COMPLEMENTARIAN VIEW tells us what our marriages need most.
The single greatest component to marital happiness is NOT COMPATIBILITY.
Hence the computer Dating matchup:
ZOOSK, MATCH, OURTIME, eHARMONY, ELITESINGLES, TENDER, GRINDER….
Because of Adams Fall, none of us are compatible!
Every marriage is still affected by the curse.
The greatest need to marital happiness is a Complimentary Union.
Wives are subject to husbands at every level – not just the “BIG STUFF”: moving, job changes, school, etc., but everything! but don’t be ridiculous.
This is when the Gospel is really displayed.
Husband love your wife as Christ loves the church…there are no exceptions - stop looking for those psychological traits or weird background realities from her family abyss...
LOVE HER LIKE JESUS LOVES HER. SHE IS A REAL PERSON NO LESS THAN YOU!
This is what every marriage needs. Honor the design of God.
5. THE COMPLEMENTARIAN VIEW drives us to invest in the church’s future.
We don’t wait for perfectly formed elders and godly servants to pop up like toast!
Teach boys and girls to be a man and a woman… don’t wait until they are 37 years old.
This is BIG:
IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO TALK ABOUT BEING A GENERIC CHRISTIAN!!!!!!!
Teach them a Christianity that goes somewhere.
Give them a world vision as Christians.
Have contempt and hate for the status quo!
Marginal, Generic, Status Quo Christianity is not enough to keep the attention of our children today. Christ must be more than what the world has to offer them, and it comes from your hand.
If you don’t make Christ big, this culture will swallow them up.
Give them a world vision as Christians.
There are no Gender-Neutral Christians either. Teach them to be a man and a woman of God in service to the body of Christ.
Pushing your children to go beyond Generic Christians is not “EXTRA CREDIT”! It is the only survivable way to heaven! It is not radical…It is NORMAL!
Church body… invest in the future of your local body of Christ...
Women’s Ministries – what is your mission statement?
“Older Women Training Younger Women to Be Godly!!” (Titus 2)
6. THE COMPLEMENTARIAN VIEW speaks better to sexual relations than does secularism.
We have a 50 Shades of Gray Country that thinks it’s okay to try out any sexual interest whatsoever, including abuse.
People think this stuff is good. They think they can privatize their perversions and pagan fantasies and leave it in their closets when they enter into their public life. They cannot.
The world thinks that Consent is all that is needed to have meaningful sex, but these people are ripped apart from inside out.
Covenantal Marriage is the only union wherein sexual relations has no remorse and total reward.
This is a topic in itself for later, but to note the best that non-Christians can achieve:
STAGE A | STAGE B | STAGE C |
BASIC HUMAN NEEDS CAN ONLY BE MET BY GOD | WITHOUT GOD THE HIGHEST NEEDS WHICH CAN BE MET | INEVITABLE LONG-TERM CONSEQUENCES OF A LIFE W/OUT GOD |
SIGNIFICANCE | POWER | VIOLENCE |
SECURITY | PLEASURE | IMMORALITY |
7. THE COMPLEMENTARIAN VIEW helps us to appreciate God-Given Singleness.
It must be God–Given.
Trusting and Obeying Him is sufficiently Exhilarating to overcome the loneliness of singleness if it is God-Given.
Single Men and Women can display the God Designed Manhood and Womanhood as clearly as the Married couple.
We have a full Lesson on Singleness yet to come.
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